2013: The Year We Have "Zuck'd Up"

2013 is almost upon us and we can definitely say that the United States has "Zuck'd Up", or at least Mark Zuckerberg thinks so when he will copyright the term "Zuck'd Up". Bravo, the popular TV channel, will create a new show known as The Real Housewives of Langley, a show including everyone involved in the General Patraeus scandal. It will get pulled after four episodes for being "too hot for cable". Honey Boo Boo will become an US ambassador in Israel, where she will fix every problem with Cheese-balls and Go Go Juice. NSYNC will make a comeback without Justin Timberlake, mainly because he has forgotten anything that had to do with them. Jesus will present himself to Tim Tebow and tell him that he is in fact a Packers fan. Mitt Romney will gain 400 pounds after keeping his emotions from the election bottled up inside. He will lose most of it with Paul Ryan's "Total Frat Bod" workout. On the same note, Paul Ryan's abs will be named 2013's Sexiest Man Alive, making it the first body part instead of man to win.

Man Charged With Murder Six Months Later

Devon Epps was charged with murder when he was evicted from his home. But this charge is not the same as some would think. Epps murdered his girlfriend, Veronica Jones, six months ago and she has been missing ever since. When he was evicted authorities found the body stashed in the bathtub. But as grisly as it sounds, it gets even worse. The body was badly decayed and falling apart. The body was bludgeoned with a medal pedestal, raped, and stabbed 32 times. According to authorities the face was beaten beyond recognition. "It's morbid, disgusting," said Jones' brother "I'm horrified by the experience my sister went through." 

Tumblr Falls Victim to Internet Trolls

In yet another attack on various websites, Tumblr fell victim to Internet Trolls. These trolls, known as the GNAA, attacked their unsuspecting victims last Monday. The victims of this racist, unforgiving assault include the Verge, Reuters, and 8,600 other Tumblr accounts. It was found offensive on many levels, calling people "F*****g Worthless, Contrived, Bourgeoisie, Self-Congratulating, and Decadent B******t." Also telling them to "Drink Bleach and Die." As most may know this so called "threat" comes from the recent bullying/suicide incident involving Amanda Todd. This was sent out to Tumblr users using a JavaScript exploit. If the message was deleted, so was your account. This is not new to the internet, an attack on this scale could be dated back to 2008 when a anonymous troll trolled Oprah Winfrey on National Television using the show's online forum. So all-in-all, successful troll is successful.