2013: The Year We Have "Zuck'd Up"

2013 is almost upon us and we can definitely say that the United States has "Zuck'd Up", or at least Mark Zuckerberg thinks so when he will copyright the term "Zuck'd Up". Bravo, the popular TV channel, will create a new show known as The Real Housewives of Langley, a show including everyone involved in the General Patraeus scandal. It will get pulled after four episodes for being "too hot for cable". Honey Boo Boo will become an US ambassador in Israel, where she will fix every problem with Cheese-balls and Go Go Juice. NSYNC will make a comeback without Justin Timberlake, mainly because he has forgotten anything that had to do with them. Jesus will present himself to Tim Tebow and tell him that he is in fact a Packers fan. Mitt Romney will gain 400 pounds after keeping his emotions from the election bottled up inside. He will lose most of it with Paul Ryan's "Total Frat Bod" workout. On the same note, Paul Ryan's abs will be named 2013's Sexiest Man Alive, making it the first body part instead of man to win.

Man Charged With Murder Six Months Later

Devon Epps was charged with murder when he was evicted from his home. But this charge is not the same as some would think. Epps murdered his girlfriend, Veronica Jones, six months ago and she has been missing ever since. When he was evicted authorities found the body stashed in the bathtub. But as grisly as it sounds, it gets even worse. The body was badly decayed and falling apart. The body was bludgeoned with a medal pedestal, raped, and stabbed 32 times. According to authorities the face was beaten beyond recognition. "It's morbid, disgusting," said Jones' brother "I'm horrified by the experience my sister went through." 

Tumblr Falls Victim to Internet Trolls

In yet another attack on various websites, Tumblr fell victim to Internet Trolls. These trolls, known as the GNAA, attacked their unsuspecting victims last Monday. The victims of this racist, unforgiving assault include the Verge, Reuters, and 8,600 other Tumblr accounts. It was found offensive on many levels, calling people "F*****g Worthless, Contrived, Bourgeoisie, Self-Congratulating, and Decadent B******t." Also telling them to "Drink Bleach and Die." As most may know this so called "threat" comes from the recent bullying/suicide incident involving Amanda Todd. This was sent out to Tumblr users using a JavaScript exploit. If the message was deleted, so was your account. This is not new to the internet, an attack on this scale could be dated back to 2008 when a anonymous troll trolled Oprah Winfrey on National Television using the show's online forum. So all-in-all, successful troll is successful.

Sandy Island Doesn't Really Exist

A sizable, uninhabited island in the South Pacific was the center of attention in Google Maps recently. It could be said it had the attention because the island was there. Sandy Island doesn't really exist but it showed up on Google Maps off the coast of New Caledonia in the South Pacific. Called Sandy Island by scientists and Sable Island by others, this isle was spotted on Google Maps but it hasn't existed since 1908, according to a 1908 ocean chart. "It's on Google Earth and other maps so we went to check and there was no Island. We're really puzzled. It's quite bizarre," said geologist Maria Seton. If one is to search for this island, it would appear as a dark mass northeast of New Caledonia. If this island actually exists, it would fall in French territorial waters. So if people were to go to this island, they would more than likely find the cast of "Lost".

Elmo Puppeteer Accused Of Underage Relations

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter "R". The Tickle-Me-Elmo was once a beloved childhood toy for one 16 year old boy; but now is filled with sweat, regret, and shame. For this is no tale for children, but what could be the first use of the S.S.P.D.  Kevin Clash, the voice and puppeteer for Elmo, has been accused of having sexual relations with a 16 year old boy. This could be a dramatic change to the show "Sesame Street", which is estimated to be worth more than $500 million. Officials state that they are conducting a thorough investigation. It is noted that the accuser did not submit any official evidence. H. Melvin Ming, the president and executive chief of "Sesame Street", called the accusation damaging to the company. He said “There is such a close association to Elmo as being the rock star of preschoolers, so any association with something that is perceived and in reality is behavior not becoming to a puppet will have some difficulty for us... Elmo is Elmo and Kevin is Kevin”. 

http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/12/elmo-puppeteer-accused-of-underage-relationship/

"Grand Theft Auto" Character Not Based On Cypress Hill Backup Performer

Cypress Hill backup performer Michael "Shagg" Washington sued Rockstar Games and Take-Two Interactive for $250 Million because he claims he was the inspiration for CJ from "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas". According to the California court system, 'they don't owe this guy s***.' The judge ruled that, 'The main character CJ is a black male with a completely generic and somewhat variable appearance.' Shagg was suing for the fact that CJ is a through-and-through replication of him. The judge had this to say, "The No Doubt avatars…perform rock songs, the same activity by which the band achieved and maintains its fame…[Nothing in the video game] transform[s] the avatars into anything other than exact depictions of No Doubt’s members doing exactly what they do as celebrities. Here, however, Washington has presented no evidence demonstrating that the plot or characters of GTA: San Andreas have any relevance to his life or his purported fame."

Man Sparks Fire While Cooking Squirrel

A fire arose in an apartment complex in Holland Township, Michigan while a man was using a propane torch to cook a squirrel. According to fire chief, the man was burning off the fur in preparation to eat the squirrel. The fire was sparked on the deck of the man and it quickly spread to seven other apartments above the man, though many other apartments were smoke and water damaged. The unusual fire became the talk of the town rather quickly and the mans name has not been released. According to the fire chief, "That's about off the wall as it gets."